A Pause Before I Say Yes

Then I spent the next three days tired and resentful, wondering why I had agreed.

I think it started the year after the divorce, when every hour felt like something I had to fill. Getting older didn't help my patience with my own habits.

What helped was a short pause, long enough to ask myself a few questions before I open my mouth. I ask whether I have the time this week or I'm borrowing it from my evenings, and whether I'd say yes if I felt rested right now.

Some answers are yes, and I'm glad to help. Others are "not this time." I say it kindly and keep it short: "I can't this week, but thank you for asking."

What surprised me is that people mostly take it well. The ones who don't were usually relying on my yes without asking.

I write these questions in my Daily Check-In Journal, the one with no to-do list. Some mornings I answer one before I look at my phone. It takes two minutes.

I'm not saying no to everything. That would be hard to keep up, and I've tried it too. Mostly it's a small pause, then an honest answer.

Daily Check-In Journal on Etsy