I Stopped Apologizing for Taking Care of Myself

When I looked at it, I was apologizing for things that hurt nobody. My ex-husband used to say I had a talent for making my own needs sound like an inconvenience. For years I believed him.

The first thing I noticed was the word itself. Every time I started a sentence with "sorry, I just need...," I was asking permission for something I had already decided to do. That's a strange habit to have at 50.

So I started swapping the apology for a plain sentence. Instead of "Sorry, I can't come, I need to rest," I say, "I'm not coming tonight. I'm going to rest."

Nobody has been upset by this. A few people were surprised. Some were relieved, I think, because they had been waiting for me to stop explaining.

Some days I still start with "sorry." When that happens, I catch it and say the plain version.

I keep a note in my workbook with a question I ask when the urge to apologize hits: Did I hurt anyone, or break a promise? If not, I don't apologize. I just do the thing.

Next time you catch yourself saying sorry for resting, count it. One week is enough to surprise you.

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